Tinder is the opium of the masses.
It’s truly a sociological quandary as to why the advent of dating apps haven’t turned us all into serial daters. Of course, the old-timers believe that online dating has turned single Americans into immoral hyper-sexual beings, but this isn’t the truth.
In 2018, 23% of Americans were celibate. Not out of choice mind you, more so because they just couldn’t start a fire despite plenty of Tinder. You might be thinking that the millions of elderly Americans are the reason this percentage is so high. Contrary to our perception of how sexless old age is, this isn’t the case.
28% of American males between the ages of 18 and 30 did not have sex in 2018. That number falls precipitously to 18% for women in the same age bracket.
You might think that our liberal views through the years and rise in online dating apps would make finding someone to shag and date easier and that as a result, Americans would be having more romantic dalliances than ever before.
In 1989, the percentage of adult Americans that didn’t engage in sex was that year was 19%.
So why haven’t Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and the like unlocked our inner sexual deviant? It turns out that most dating apps aren’t actually used to find dates.
Just 50% of Tinder users have ever dated a match. A LendEDU study that surveyed 9,761 college students found that 44% of them reported using Tinder for “confidence-boosting procrastination.” 28% of those surveyed reported using the app for romantic reasons that might include a hookup or long-term relationship.
To be fair, the women polled were college students and Tinder mostly caters to a younger crowd. We can assume that older users on different dating apps may use the app as it was intended to be used. However, this is just an assumption.
The truth is that dating apps aren’t designed to score out dates, rather they’re designed to keep us window shopping, single, and addicted for as long as possible.
So if you’re like the 42% of Americans who have had a negative overall experience with dating apps, what are you to do?
Try Nabbing a Date on Instagram, LinkedIn or Meetup
As an online alternative to dating apps, men can learn how to get a date on Instagram, Meetup, and even LinkedIn. Considering these apps aren’t dating apps, using them as such requires a certain amount of tact and careful planning.
So let’s unpack how to get a date on Instagram, LinkedIn, or Meetup.
Use Meetup.com, Facebook Events, Eventbrite and Other Group Event Websites to Find Virtual Group Activities for People in Your Area
Most dating apps connect you with potential suitors not through hobbies, shared beliefs, or personality traits, but rather through a superficial attraction to a photo or two on their profile. This is shallow attraction and isn’t a foundation that a healthy long-term relationship should be built on.
When using non-dating apps, you’re forced into building an initial connection that isn’t superficial.
Seeing as how we’re attracted to those that are similar to us, in regards to our socioeconomic background, personality, and hobbies, Instagram or LinkedIn can be used to find a woman that has the aforementioned in common.
To use these non-dating apps, think through the characteristics you’re looking for in your ideal partner, and then consider activities she’d be interested in based on her characteristics.
For example, a woman who loves to travel is likely to be a member of Facebook or Meetup travelers group. A woman who loves reading is likely to participate in a book club. Single women who are committed to fitness might take part in online workouts. Women who meditate are likely to involved in groups and events related to health and fitness. Women who love to laugh may be members of comedy clubs and social events with comedic entertainment.
The list could go on and on. Find an event to attend, preferably one that requires members to actively participate (like a discussion-style activity or a sharing circle style format, perhaps even just a virtual happy hour). When you’re there, you can use the event as a means to connect with women you’re interested in, which will yield a much higher response rate than the dating apps will give you.
Unlike dating apps, these groups force users to meetup in person. It’s through a brief face-to-face interaction that you can quickly gauge whether you’re interested in a fellow group member or not. Not only is interaction easier, but instead of your foundation being built on a mutual attraction of each other’s photos, it’s built on a shared affinity for the hobby that brought you two together.
Icebreakers That Elicit Conversation
According to our own research here at emlovz, about 75% of dudes open dating app conversations by messaging, “hey.”
This is trash.
If you like a woman enough to message her, you might as well put in a little effort into creating a unique opening message. If this is the case for dating apps, it’s even more so for non-dating apps.
Users of LinkedIn, Meetup, or Instagram don’t expect other users to message them. If a message is received, it’s expected that it won’t be overtly sexual and will also pertain to their profile or job in some way. When penning an opening message, it’s smart to ask a question that demands a response and ask a question whose response you care about.
Some icebreakers that are bound to elicit a response are:
That was very vulnerable to share. Your story really resonated with me. Can you tell me more about that?
You seem like a rock-climbing pro. Is there any special gear I should get for the upcoming meetup?
I don’t normally message people like this, but I just had to say that you and I have the exact same taste in authors. Have you read any new fantasy novels lately?
Always, always, always, make sure the message is pertinent to the group. If she even suspects you’re hitting on her she might just mute the conversation and never speak with you again. Be careful with your message and keep it on-topic and asexual.
Always Take Notes After Events
This can help you optimize your process and zero in on the most fulfilling events with the largest amount of qualified leads. If you attend one event but notice that the women are spiritual (which you like) but also are a bit too woo-woo (which you don’t like) make a note.
Search for more conventional events that would cater to women who were somewhat spiritual but perhaps less extreme. Over time, you’ll be able to easily identify locations where your ideal girlfriend is most likely to be located so you don’t waste your time or energy on events that aren’t a fit.
That said, it takes time to develop this awareness but you can speed up your process by spending a few introspective moments after each event recording your feedback (either audibly, using a voice memo app or written).
Perhaps you didn’t like the event as a whole but enjoyed the company of a few individuals. If this is the case, invite those people to hang out with afterward. It doesn’t matter if none of these women are viewed as potential romantic partners. What’s important is finding another group that you can tap for connections.
How To Get A Date On Facebook
Facebook is another medium that, like dating apps, is all about putting your best foot forward in the form of images. We all want beautiful, unblemished, highly contrived photos of ourselves on our SM accounts. This being the case it’s easy to fall into thirst traps, or at the very least allow your saliva to drip out onto her photos. If you’re thirsty, quench it by drinking a glass of water, don’t message her at 1 a.m. asking her for a nude.
Present yourself as a decent (read, not thirsty) single man by first commenting on a post before moving onto private DMs.
There are FB groups aplenty that have highly active discussions. Join one, comment on something she said before following up with her with a private message.
A DM example might be:
Hey Sam, I saw your comment/that post you made in “X” group and (relate, add value, end in a question).
Remember that you don’t have to go to a FB group event to message someone in a group. Sure, meeting them in person would help your cause, but messaging without attending an event isn’t out of the question.
How to Get A Date on LinkedIn
Let’s be clear here.
Compared to all the other SM apps detailed in this article, LinkedIn is the furthest from a dating app.
Sending the wrong message on LinkedIn could see yourself flagged, spoken poorly about to colleagues, or blacklisted. The last thing you want to do is make a fellow professional feel awkward or uncomfortable.
This is why the utmost tact most be used when messaging through LinkedIn.
It’s best not to message random people through LinkedIn. It’s a professional networking platform. Users are primed and ready for professional conversation, not to be asked out by some random real estate agent who went to UCLA.
Female users also don’t want you to beat around the bush. This is why LinkedIn must only be used to speak with a specific type of woman.
Ideally, you’re using Instagram to re-connect with a woman you met at an in-person network event. You two were flirty, hit it off, but you never got around to asking for her number.
When you message her, recall who you are and tell her you had a great time talking with her. Be upfront and tell her that you’d like to take her out on a date and that if she’s uncomfortable with that, that’s fine, no problem.
Being respectful and honest combats the creep image. Nothing is worse than men I meet at conventions who simply linger around on my LinkedIn for months or even years. Perhaps they aren’t asking me out because they know I have a boyfriend, which is a whole nother’ issue.
How to Get a Date on Instagram
What 21st-century man hasn’t yet messaged a woman via IG in the hope of scoring a date?
When we talk about thirst traps we must talk about IG.
IG -even more so than FB- is where we post the highlights of our lives. You rarely if ever see someone post something negative on IG. It’s this portrayal of the perfect life, job, friends, personality, and of course, body, that lures men into messaging via IG.
They message mostly to inquire as to the size of the user’s breasts or offer an unsolicited pickup line that has a failure rate of 99%.
Here’s where your value prop comes into play.
It’s on you to do what most men don’t.
Instead of commenting on her body, ask about her hobbies, where she was in that awesome photo, or how she too knowns your buddy James.
Apply the same guidelines you apply to LinkedIn to IG, but allow yourself to be a bit more playful via IG.
It’s true that a sex epidemic is taking hold of the US. But what men have going for them today is that they have more ways than ever before to meet eligible women. Today from the comfort of our own living rooms single men and women can broadcast their call for a single partner and start flirting with the click of the button.
For those that know how to leverage this technology, they’re dominating the dating scene. But not all men are equally literate in the ways of online dating. To learn how to get a date on Instagram, LinkedIn or any other non-dating app, consult with me.
During our 1-on-1 new client Zoom strategy session, we’ll spend 30 minutes discussing your dating roadblocks, your goals, and we’ll build a strategy you can use right away. We’ll also determine if my 3 month coaching or matchmaking services are a fit for you!